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| 10:51am 21/11/2004 |
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mood:  nostalgic
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An official notice from Coil:
"We are greatly saddened to have to you that at about 5.30 pm Saturday Nov 13th, Jhonn Balance, was killed in an accident at home. Under the influence of alcohol he fell from the first floor landing, hitting his head on the floor some 15ft below. Peter/Sleazy who was in the front room heard the noise, came out investigate and found him unconscious, though still breathing. Balance was rushed to hospital, where his condition deteriorated, and he died soon after, without ever regaining consciousness. There is no suggestion that this event was in any way deliberate, in fact, anything other than a tragic accident. Unusually, Balance had been cheerfull during the day, and was looking forward to seeing Ian at the weekend, and working on new recordings this week."
"Our awareness that physical death is not an end, but mearly a transition to a whole different part of existence, a new adventure, should by now be clear to everyone. Jhonn has simply crossed over the Threshold..."
I will be all right if you kiss me
I will be all right if you hold me
When I see the great black light
When I see the grey-black light
That shines in the eyes of animals
When I find you I will remind you
Most accidents occur at home |
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| 02:47am 13/11/2004 |
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Nov. 11, 2004, 9:08PM
Bin Laden expert quits CIA to keep speaking out
Washington Post
WASHINGTON - Author Michael Scheuer, former chief of the CIA's Osama bin Laden unit, announced Thursday that he has resigned from the agency so he can speak openly about terrorism and what he sees as the government's failure to understand the al-Qaida threat.
ADVERTISEMENT
"I have concluded that there has not been adequate national debate over the nature of the threat posed by Osama bin Laden and the force he leads and inspires, and the nature of the intelligence reform needed to address that threat," Scheuer, whom the CIA banned from speaking publicly in July, said in a statement issued by his publisher.
The agency allowed Scheuer to publish his book, Imperial Hubris, anonymously, and to conduct media interviews to promote it under the name "Mike." The book became a best seller.
But he became a critic of the war in Iraq, saying it inflamed anti-American sentiment among Muslims, and eventually his name was published. After some White House officials and pundits asserted the CIA had allowed Scheuer to act as its surrogate critic on the war, CIA officials forbade him from speaking publicly.
Scheuer told the The Washington Post that he thinks the agency silenced him after CIA officials realized he was blaming the CIA, not the administration, for mishandling terrorism.
"As long as the book was being used to bash the president, they gave me carte blanche to talk to the media," he said. "But this is a story about the failure of the bureaucracy to support policy-makers." |
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| 09:14pm 03/11/2004 |
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"The death-knell of the republic had rung as soon as the active power became lodged in the hands of those who sought, not to do justice to all citizens, rich and poor alike, but to stand for one special class and for its interests as opposed to the interests of others."
Theodore Roosevelt, Labor Day speech at Syracuse, NY, Sept 7, 1903 |
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| no surprises, please |
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| 09:05am 07/09/2004 |
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mood:  contemplative music: radiohead - no surprises
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When I wrote about the Bush women in a recent Vanity Fair, I succumbed to the temptation of hoping/believing she wasn't a cold mackeral without a conscience like the rest of the extended clan. That she was different, better, a Douglas Sirk heroine trapped in a soft prison of convention. No, she's just another warden in a pantsuit. Set out to oppose Nancy Reagan on embryonic stem-cell research (pitting woman against woman is a classic Bushite ploy), her soft, sedative misrepresentations revealed her as just another saccharine phony.
- james wolcott |
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| lolllll we had the motion, we had the grace |
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| 12:23am 28/08/2004 |
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mood:  naughty music: covenant - tour de force
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you know. in a halfwit SEX DRUGS AND ROCK N ROLL way i kinda miss the old illy gothity goth scene. snort. |
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| 07:21pm 19/08/2004 |
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mood:  sad music: echo and the bunnymen - ocean rain
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i feel fall sneaking up behind me.
"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops. Today, October 2, a Sunday of rain and broken branches and leaf-clogged drains and slick streets, it stopped, and summer was gone.
Somehow, the summer seemed to slip by faster this time. Maybe it wasn't this summer, but all the summers that, in this my fortieth summer, slipped by so fast. There comes a time when every summer will have something of autumn about it. Whatever the reason, it seemed to me that I was investing more and more in baseball, making the game do more of the work that keeps time fat and slow and lazy. I was counting on the game's deep patterns, three strikes, three outs, three times three innings, and its deepest impulse, to go out and back, to leave and to return home, to set the order of the day and to organize the daylight. I wrote a few things this last summer, this summer that did not last, nothing grand but some things, and yet that work was just camouflage. The real activity was done with the radio--not the all-seeing, all-falsifying television--and was the playing of the game in the only place it will last, the enclosed green field of the mind. There, in that warm, bright place, what the old poet called Mutability does not so quickly come."
- Bart Giamatti |
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| 09:31pm 15/08/2004 |
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i love the jesus and mary chain.
that's all. |
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| 08:58pm 15/08/2004 |
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mood: contemplative music: i am weary (let me rest) - o brother soundtrack
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ha. my boss called me into the office last week and
me: what's the matter?
her: nothing! look, i don't want to tell you this, but i told maria i would...
me: would what?
her: the director at [another facility owned by our corporate mothership] left, and maria thought of you right away. it's an alzheimer's assisted living, maybe 50 beds, it'd be you and two assistants...
me: i'm not interested in assisted living.
her: OH, GOOD!
me: you're not, if it were long term care i might consider it... [assisted living directors make nothing. NOTHING. probably no more than i'm making now as an as-yet uncertified assistant] not to mention i'm not at the point where i'd be comfortable bossing people around...
her: i don't want to hold you back!
me, kind of thinking out loud now: and i want to go back to school, i don't want to take on a director's position and then drop it because of that. that's not fair to maria. especially if i want a good recommendation out of her...
then she jumped up and hugged me and that was that. |
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| late, but... |
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| 10:21pm 05/08/2004 |
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mood:  relaxed music: lena horne - you're so indifferent
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barack obama, you fucking star.
Transcript: Illinois Senate Candidate Barack Obama
FDCH E-Media
Tuesday, July 27, 2004; 11:09 PM
Candidate for U.S. Senate in Illinois, Barack Obama, delivered the keynote address at the Democratic National Convention in Boston Tuesday night. Here is a transcript of his remarks.
OBAMA: Thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Dick Durbin. You make us all proud.
On behalf of the great state of Illinois...
... crossroads of a nation, land of Lincoln, let me express my deep gratitude for the privilege of addressing this convention. Tonight is a particular honor for me because, let's face it, my presence on this stage is pretty unlikely.
My father was a foreign student, born and raised in a small village in Kenya. He grew up herding goats, went to school in a tin- roof shack. His father, my grandfather, was a cook, a domestic servant to the British.
But my grandfather had larger dreams for his son. Through hard work and perseverance my father got a scholarship to study in a magical place, America, that's shown as a beacon of freedom and opportunity to so many who had come before him.
While studying here my father met my mother. She was born in a town on the other side of the world, in Kansas.
Her father worked on oil rigs and farms through most of the Depression. The day after Pearl Harbor, my grandfather signed up for duty, joined Patton's army, marched across Europe. Back home my grandmother raised a baby and went to work on a bomber assembly line. After the war, they studied on the GI Bill, bought a house through FHA and later moved west, all the way to Hawaii, in search of opportunity.
And they too had big dreams for their daughter, a common dream born of two continents.
My parents shared not only an improbable love; they shared an abiding faith in the possibilities of this nation. They would give me an African name, Barack, or "blessed," believing that in a tolerant America, your name is no barrier to success.
They imagined me going to the best schools in the land, even though they weren't rich, because in a generous America you don't have to be rich to achieve your potential.
They're both passed away now. And yet I know that, on this night, they look down on me with great pride.
And I stand here today grateful for the diversity of my heritage, aware that my parents' dreams live on in my two precious daughters.
I stand here knowing that my story is part of the larger American story, that I owe a debt to all of those who came before me, and that in no other country on Earth is my story even possible.
Tonight, we gather to affirm the greatness of our nation not because of the height of our skyscrapers, or the power of our military, or the size of our economy; our pride is based on a very simple premise, summed up in a declaration made over two hundred years ago: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal...
... that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."
That is the true genius of America, a faith...
... a faith in simple dreams, an insistence on small miracles; that we can tuck in our children at night and know that they are fed and clothed and safe from harm; that we can say what we think, write what we think, without hearing a sudden knock on the door; that we can have an idea and start our own business without paying a bribe; that we can participate in the political process without fear of retribution; and that our votes will be counted -- or at least, most of the time.
This year, in this election, we are called to reaffirm our values and our commitments, to hold them against a hard reality and see how we are measuring up, to the legacy of our forbearers and the promise of future generations.
And fellow Americans, Democrats, Republicans, independents, I say to you, tonight, we have more work to do...
... more work to do, for the workers I met in Galesburg, Illinois, who are losing their union jobs at the Maytag plant that's moving to Mexico, and now they're having to compete with their own children for jobs that pay 7 bucks an hour; more to do for the father I met who was losing his job and chocking back the tears wondering how he would pay $4,500 a months for the drugs his son needs without the health benefits that he counted on; more to do for the young woman in East St. Louis, and thousands more like her who have the grades, have the drive, have the will, but doesn't have the money to go to college.
Now, don't get me wrong, the people I meet in small towns and big cities and diners and office parks, they don't expect government to solves all of their problems. They know they have to work hard to get a head. And they want to.
Go into the collar counties around Chicago, and people will tell you: They don't want their tax money wasted by a welfare agency or by the Pentagon.
Go into any inner-city neighborhood, and folks will tell you that government alone can't teach kids to learn.
They know that parents have to teach, that children can't achieve unless we raise their expectations and turn off the television sets and eradicate the slander that says a black youth with a book is acting white. They know those things.
People don't expect -- people don't expect government to solve all their problems. But they sense, deep in their bones, that with just a slight change in priorities, we can make sure that every child in America has a decent shot at life and that the doors of opportunity remain open to all. They know we can do better. And they want that choice.
In this election, we offer that choice. Our party has chosen a man to lead us who embodies the best this country has to offer. And that man is John Kerry.
John Kerry understands the ideals of community, faith and service because they've defined his life. From his heroic service to Vietnam to his years as prosecutor and lieutenant governor, through two decades in the United States Senate, he has devoted himself to this country. Again and again, we've seen him make tough choices when easier ones were available. His values and his record affirm what is best in us.
John Kerry believes in an America where hard work is rewarded. So instead of offering tax breaks to companies shipping jobs overseas, he offers them to companies creating jobs here at home.
John Kerry believes in an America where all Americans can afford the same health coverage our politicians in Washington have for themselves.
John Kerry believes in energy independence, so we aren't held hostage to the profits of oil companies or the sabotage of foreign oil fields.
John Kerry believes in the constitutional freedoms that have made our country the envy of the world, and he will never sacrifice our basic liberties nor use faith as a wedge to divide us.
And John Kerry believes that in a dangerous world, war must be an option sometimes, but it should never be the first option.
You know, a while back, I met a young man named Seamus (ph) in a VFW hall in East Moline, Illinois. He was a good-looking kid, 6'2", 6'3", clear eyed, with an easy smile. He told me he'd joined the Marines and was heading to Iraq the following week.
And as I listened to him explain why he had enlisted -- the absolute faith he had in our country and its leaders, his devotion to duty and service -- I thought, this young man was all that any of us might ever hope for in a child. But then I asked myself: Are we serving Seamus (ph) as well as he's serving us?
I thought of the 900 men and women, sons and daughters, husbands and wives, friends and neighbors who won't be returning to their own hometowns. I thought of the families I had met who were struggling to get by without a loved one's full income or whose loved ones had returned with a limb missing or nerves shattered, but still lacked long-term health benefits because they were Reservists.
When we send our young men and women into harm's way, we have a solemn obligation not to fudge the numbers or shade the truth about why they are going, to care for their families while they're gone, to tend to the soldiers upon their return and to never, ever go to war without enough troops to win the war, secure the peace and earn the respect of the world.
Now, let me be clear. Let me be clear. We have real enemies in the world. These enemies must be found. They must be pursued. And they must be defeated.
John Kerry knows this. And just as Lieutenant Kerry did not hesitate to risk his life to protect the men who served with him in Vietnam, President Kerry will not hesitate one moment to use our military might to keep America safe and secure.
John Kerry believes in America. And he knows that it's not enough for just some of us to prosper. For alongside our famous individualism, there's another ingredient in the American saga, a belief that we are all connected as one people.
If there's a child on the south side of Chicago who can't read, that matters to me, even if it's not my child.
If there's a senior citizen somewhere who can't pay for their prescription and having to choose between medicine and the rent, that makes my life poorer, even if it's not my grandparent.
If there's an Arab-American family being rounded up without benefit of an attorney or due process, that threatens my civil liberties.
It is that fundamental belief -- it is that fundamental belief -- I am my brother's keeper, I am my sisters' keeper -- that makes this country work.
It's what allows us to pursue our individual dreams, yet still come together as a single American family: "E pluribus unum," out of many, one.
Now even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us, the spin masters and negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of anything goes.
Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America; there's the United States of America.
There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America.
The pundits, the pundits like to slice and dice our country into red states and blue States: red states for Republicans, blue States for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We worship an awesome God in the blue states, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the red states.
We coach little league in the blue states and, yes, we've got some gay friends in the red states.
There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq, and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq.
We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.
In the end, that's what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism, or do we participate in a politics of hope?
John Kerry calls on us to hope. John Edwards calls on us to hope. I'm not talking about blind optimism here, the almost willful ignorance that thinks unemployment will go away if we just don't think about it, or health care crisis will solve itself if we just ignore it.
That's not what I'm talking. I'm talking about something more substantial. It's the hope of slaves sitting around a fire singing freedom songs; the hope of immigrants setting out for distant shores; the hope of a young naval lieutenant bravely patrolling the Mekong Delta; the hope of a millworker's son who dares to defy the odds; the hope of a skinny kid with a funny name who believes that America has a place for him, too.
Hope in the face of difficulty, hope in the face of uncertainty, the audacity of hope: In the end, that is God's greatest gift to us, the bedrock of this nation, a belief in things not seen, a belief that there are better days ahead.
I believe that we can give our middle class relief and provide working families with a road to opportunity.
I believe we can provide jobs for the jobless, homes to the homeless, and reclaim young people in cities across America from violence and despair.
I believe that we have a righteous wind at our backs, and that as we stand on the crossroads of history, we can make the right choices and meet the challenges that face us.
America, tonight, if you feel the same energy that I do, if you feel the same urgency that I do, if you feel the same passion that I do, if you feel the same hopefulness that I do, if we do what we must do, then I have no doubt that all across the country, from Florida to Oregon, from Washington to Maine, the people will rise up in November, and John Kerry will be sworn in as president. And John Edwards will be sworn in as vice president. And this country will reclaim it's promise. And out of this long political darkness a brighter day will come.
Thank you very much, everybody.
God bless you.
Thank you.
END |
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| 10:10am 09/07/2004 |
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mood:  bored music: slowdive - 40 days
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i want in on the gmail lovefest. cough it up. |
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| WELL HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY 2 ME |
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| 08:04pm 07/07/2004 |
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mood:  dorky
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the view:
daaaaaaaaaaaang, a-rod.
ATTN JESSICA WE ARE GOING AGAIN ON FRIDAY. i just procured us some shitty ass nosebleed seats. :D |
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| 08:11am 06/07/2004 |
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mood:  lazy music: lena horne - honeysuckle rose
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twenty five.
i feel small. or maybe i'd just like to be.
the rest is noise. |
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| 12:38pm 03/07/2004 |
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mood:  sick
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so strange being unable to speak. not that i'm such a huge fan of conversation, but still. it's more lonely than any self-isolation i could drum up.
drinking a lot of tea, and sleeping sleeping sleeping. half-hearing baseball on the couch as i drift in and out. speaking of, a trillion articles and still there are no right words for what transpired the other night. this comes close; just ignore the weird undercurrent of political allegiance. |
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| 02:57pm 28/06/2004 |
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mood:  cheerful music: rjd2 - i really like your def jux baby tee
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dopey face
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| 02:17pm 12/06/2004 |
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mood:  cranky
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Reagan should be on a $3 bill
Jimmy Breslin
June 11, 2004
I offered my small prayer for Ronald Reagan when he was shot by this Hinckley. I said another prayer for him when I read this graceful note that he issued about his Alzheimer's.
Having said this, I now strongly endorse a suitable memorial for him.
Ronald Reagan belongs on a $3-bill.
You are supposed to honor and respect the dead. But you also must respect the truth, and live for the living - and this funeral has gone on for almost a week. I am in a car and I hear the radio announcer, who is supposed to be telling you news, whisper:
"The color guard quietly leaves the casket viewing area and marches with the colors towards the two hearses; they are taking no chances and have a backup ... "
I was waiting for him, or somebody next to him, to let out a sob.
For the funeral of Ronald Reagan, they took the body from Beverly Hills to Simi Valley, the white Los Angeles suburb, where it stayed for a day and a half or so then they drove it in one of these two hearses to the airport and flew it to Washington and then they had a march and afterwards put the casket into the Capitol for crowds to pass by and now there was to be another march and a religous service and then a drive to the airport, where the casket will be shuttled back to the airport south of Los Angeles and in a hearse to the final ceremony at his library on Friday. That is quite a funeral. They buried George Washingon in half the time.
You keep thinking of Harry Truman, whose code was, "Do not impose." He left an order that there were to be no eulogies at his funeral.
This man Reagan was 93 years old and out of it with Alzheimer's for many years and I don't see how anybody can summon grief. They proclaimed it a deep religious ceremony. Which it is not. His whole weeklong funeral is cheap, utterly distasteful American publicity.
The great American news industry, the Pekinese of the Press with so much room and time and nothing to say, compared Reagan to Lincoln and Hamilton, they really did. This is like claiming that the maintenance man wrote the Bill of Rights. And almost all the reporters agreed that Reagan was the man who brought down Russia in the Cold War.
Just saying this is absolutely sinful. The Cold War was won by a long memo written by George Kennan, who worked in the State Department and sent the memo by telegram about the need for a "Policy of Containment" on Russia. Kennan said the contradictions in their system would ruin them. Keep them where they are and they will tear themselves apart. We followed Kennan's policy for over 40 years. The Soviets made it worse on themselves by building a wall in East Berlin. When they had to tear it down and give up their system, Kennan was in Princeton and he sat down to dinner.
I thought that children were taught this. Instead, all week, reporters told us that Ronald Reagan won the Cold War. Beautiful.
Ronald Reagan was an actor. He was as real as the line he used to keep his fame alive. "Win one for the Gipper."
The line was complete Hollywood, down to agents who fought over it.
In 1938, a radio show, "Cavalcade of America," had a segment about coach Knute Rockne of Notre Dame and his star back, George Gipp, who was dying of pneumonia and supposedly said to Rockne, "Someday, when the team's up against it, the breaks are beating the boys, ask them to go in there with all they've got! Win one for the Gipper."
Warner Brothers bought the radio segment and assigned screen writer Robert Buckner to put the "Win one" line into his otherwise original screenplay of "Knute Rockne All American."
Pat O'Brien was Rockne and Reagan was George Gipp. Reagan delivered "Win one for the Gipper" extremely well; he was a lot better actor than he was supposed to be.
When the writers of the radio show saw the movie, they realized that this guy was getting their best line. "Win one ... "
"Where is ours?" they asked. Warner Brothers made a quick settlement and the film was released with Reagan's famous speech.
But for a television release, the line was taken out of the film because Warner didn't want to pay any more. It is back in the video, my friend Harry Haun notes in his book, "The Cinematic Century."
In government, he was as real as his trademark line. He was a callous man with a smile who cut taxes in 1981 and left this city and state without funds for such things as help for dependent children. He proudly hurt the boroughs of this city more than anyone before or after him. If you live in Brooklyn, the record shows that Ronald Reagan hated children. The city and state had to raise taxes to make up for money lost because of Reagan's great conservative movement. Reagan then raised taxes six times. He walked off, leaving us an enormous deficit but with a smile on his face that even the Gipper's fakery couldn't help us with.
Copyright © 2004, Newsday, Inc. |
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| 08:45pm 23/05/2004 |
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mood: bored music: super jazz des jeunes - appran la vie
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"you're so pleasant all the time. do you take a happy pill in the morning?"
lololol. YOU SHOULD SEE ME AT HOME LADY.
this is why i love baseball:
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| I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE LOLOL |
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| 10:11pm 23/02/2004 |
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mood:  depressed
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austen took his fathers credit card, got a $1000 cash advance, a plane ticket, made arrangements for a rental car and booked for hawaii. just up and left.
i wish i'd thought of it first. |
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| 08:34am 23/02/2004 |
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sometimes i just wish i had some office job i didnt give a shit about. |
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sleepy
bouncy